I know I shouldn't complain and I feel guilty for even saying this, but sometimes I feel like I'm just not cut out to be a mom. When we decided to have a baby, I knew my life would change and I was ok with that. I just was not prepared for how completely it would change. I wasn't prepared to completely leave my old life behind, I thought that I could just add a baby into it. But I've come to realize it just doesn't work that way. I love Emily more than anything, and I wouldn't trade her, but sometimes I have a really hard time being a mom.
Sometimes I just want to be able to sleep in past 7 a.m. or eat my meals in peace instead of having to rush through them in 30 seconds. Sometimes I want to go to the store without having to wrestle a wiggly child who just wants to climb out of the cart or go out to dinner without having to worry about a baby who is constantly throwing food across the room. Sometimes I want to enjoy a meal with people without having to leave early or eat my dinner cold after everyone is done because I was feeding the baby while everyone else was eating. Sometimes I get jealous of other babies who seem to be completely content sitting calmly or don't go ballistic when they miss a nap or can fall asleep anywhere. Sometimes I feel left out when my friends go on trips or do other fun things I love to do and I'm not invited anymore. Sometimes I feel sad when I try to make friends but no one will come to things I invite them to. Sometimes I just want to go to church without chasing a cranky baby down the aisles. Sometimes I feel sad and left out when I have to stay behind when everyone else gets to go do something. Sometimes I get bored reading the same book over and over again or going up and down the stairs 20 times a day.
And then I feel completely guilty for thinking those things. Which makes it even worse. I wish those thoughts would just go away.
2 comments:
That sounds exactly like me. And then Carl suggests we could put the kids up for adoption. And I'm horrified. But I completely understand. And I know this isn't much consolation, but in about a year things will get better. There was a time when we thought we would never take our kids out to eat again, but then they started getting better at eating in restaurants, and now we take them. In my opinion, you are at the hardest stage of parenthood. When the child is mobile, but not walking. Teething, cranky, not old enough to play alone. It's hard. Really hard. Good luck with it.
Christy I feel the same way sometimes too. I think it's okay to feel sad sometimes because it is a totally different lifestyle that you have to adjust to. And it does feel like we have to miss out on some things because we have kids. I try not to feel guilty because it's not like i don't love where I am now, it's just hard sometimes. And that's okay to feel that way. I just try to not let the sadness overtake everything.
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