Monday, October 31, 2011

Be Our Guest

For Halloween this year we decided to go with a Beauty and the Beast theme. I didn't get very good pics of our costumes at our ward Halloween party this weekend, so I will try again tonight, but here's a little preview.

Matt was Gaston. Yes, Gaston. Not the Beast.

I was Belle. (Props to my awesome friend Caron who made this dress.)

And Emily was the Enchanted Rose.

Our car for Trunk or Treat was the table from "Be Our Guest".

The plates and utensils and stuff were "dancing" in the wind on some fishing line, and we had the "Be Our Guest" song playing but you couldn't hear it because of the giant speakers nearby that were playing other Halloween songs.

It was a fun Halloween party. We had tons of pizza for dinner and there were some pretty cool trunks. I was slightly disappointed that we didn't win the prize for best trunk. Oh well, it was still great. We vastly underestimated how much candy to bring and we ran out rather quickly. Someone took pity on us and gave us some extra candy to pass out.

Emily had a grand ole time wandering around the parking lot.

But her favorite part about Halloween was taking the candy out of the bucket and putting it back in. She seriously did this for most of the day on Saturday and Sunday.

It was really funny.

Anyway, we had lots of fun and I am excited to dress up again tonight and take Emmy trick or treating!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Pumpkin patch

We went to the pumpkin patch this weekend! Em didn't love it, but at least she didn't scream like last year.

She was very concerned with the straw on her hands.

But she did enjoy riding in the wheelbarrow.

She would not look at the camera for any of the pictures we tried to take.

She enjoyed taking the little pumpkins out of the bin and lining them up on the ground.

Here is the pumpkin she got to keep. Even though she doesn't look very happy about it, later in the car she was hugging and kissing the pumpkin. Ha!

And some idiot stole our big pumpkin right off our doorstep. I'm so sad. We didn't even get to carve it. :(

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Emily has decided that she is done having someone spoon-feed her, and she has to do it herself. She more often than not eats the oatmeal or applesauce or whatever with her hands because when she tries to use the spoon, somehow the food drops off somewhere between the bowl and her mouth. One time she spilled it all over her bib and then tried to lick it off.

I'm glad that she wants to try to use a spoon, but boy is it messy!

15 months

Emmy is 15 months old today! We went to the doctor for her checkup and she...

-weighs 21 lbs, 8 oz (20th percentile)
-is 30.25 inches tall (40th percentile)
-has a head circumference of 44 cm (7th percentile)

The doctor said she was perfectly healthy, which is always good to hear. At 15 months, Emmy...

-eats breakfast really well, but not lunch and dinner.
-loves pizza, fruit, milk, graham crackers, oatmeal, eggs, and hash browns.
-is walking!
-loves to go outside.
-says lots of words.
-loves doggies.
-loves Mommy's stuffed animals, and wanders around the house looking for them.
-loves her books (and calls them gooks)
-loves her Daddy
-is having trouble napping (I"m thinking maybe it's time to go down to one nap instead of 2, but she seems really crabby when she only gets one).
-is counting down the days til she gets to go to nursery. (OK, maybe that's her mom and dad!)


In an effort to have more of a life, I have gone on a few outings this past week. First, I went to the zoo with my friends Caron and Alison. I think Emmy enjoyed it.

Especially when she got to get out of the stroller and walk around.

We also went to see the witches at Gardner Village with my sister Allison. I don't think Em liked that too much. She just read her book most of the time.

But she did like watching the ducks.

It was fun to see all the cute stuff they have at those shops!


I have been in somewhat of a funk the last couple weeks that I can’t seem to get out of, and it’s really bugging me. I just want all these dumb worries and things that I am frustrated about and bad things to just go away.

I feel so unproductive and useless lately. I feel like I don’t do anything worthwhile or important. And I don’t know what to do that would be worthwhile or important. I really was hoping to get a part time job for a few hours a week as an adjunct professor just to teach one class, but so far that has not worked out. I hate that I keep getting rejected. I thought I had talents and skills that could be put to good use, but I guess not. I am really struggling to find something worthwhile to do part time that allows me to still be home with Emily most of the time. I know being a mom is a good thing, but I really want to do something else where I feel like I'm contributing. I’m sick of being so bored and useless and I need to interact with someone other than a one-year-old. When I quit my job almost a year ago, everyone said that a) I wouldn't regret it, and b) that being a mom was so fulfilling that I wouldn't even miss it. Well, I don't regret it, but I do miss it. Although I enjoy motherhood, why don't I feel completely fulfilled just by being a mom? Why do I feel like something is still missing? What is wrong with me?

I feel so lonely. I used to have lots of friends and I felt like I was an important part of their lives. I used to get invited to lots of things, and when I invited people to things they came and I think they had a good time. Maybe I’ve just gotten really lame, but no one seems to want to do anything with me anymore. I never get invited to anything, and when I try to host stuff, no one will come. I only really have one or two friends that even call me anymore to see how I’m doing or tell me about their life. Or that seem to be excited when I call them and seem to care about what's going on with me. I still care about my friends and want to be a part of their lives. I like being involved and knowing what’s going on, and I really could use someone to talk to. I guess if they have moved on to bigger and better things, then I should just accept it and stop trying to force myself into their new lives.

I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m not crafty and I don’t like to cook. It seems like that’s what everyone is into. All of our (non-Sunday) Relief Society meetings are always about making some type of craft or cooking, and that's what everyone seems to talk about. Why does that seem to be the ticket to being a successful stay-at-home mom? I pretty much suck at all things domestic. The things I thought I was good at, I'm apparently not anymore, and the things I enjoy require me to leave the house and have friends.

I’m frustrated that I can’t seem to get back to my previous fitness level. Or even close for that matter. I try to exercise but for some reason it is so much harder with Emily—both finding the time and the exercise itself. So I’m only getting in about 30 minutes of moderate intensity like 3 times a week, either jogging, elliptical, or biking. I need to do more than that. I’m frustrated that my clothes are still a little tight and I feel like I don’t look good in anything. It’s been over a year…I should fit back into my clothes comfortably by now. And I feel super ugly.

I feel like a terrible mother. I get so sick of reading stories, and it seems like that’s all Emily wants to do. We also go to the park almost every day and swing, but I have no ideas of other activities to do with her. I even looked for books at the library on stuff to do with one-year-olds, and they didn’t even have anything. They only had stuff for 3-year-olds and older. She doesn’t seem very interested in playing with her toys for very long. Or playing with other kids at all. Plus, she has gotten super grumpy and whiney lately, and I don’t know why or what to do about it and I am going crazy! I really don’t know what to do with her by myself all day long every day.

This whole move has been really stressful. Unexpected problems keep coming up. Like how the moving van was too small, or how only ONE friend out of all that we asked to help showed up (good thing we had a few family members to help), or how our stupid landlady charged us for a million things that were not our fault, or how the internet and TV didn't work for 10 days and we kept getting the runaround, or how our neighbors smoke so we can't open the windows, and how our other neighbors have a squeaky bed. I'd forgotten how it is to live in an apartment. It kind of feels like regression....almost like moving back home once you thought you'd moved out permanently.

And, I can’t seem to quit comparing myself to others…it’s hard hearing/reading about all the great stuff everyone else is doing, and I can’t help but feel sub-par and left out.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I’m sure I’ll get over my little pity party soon enough. In the meantime, I’ll try to be more positive and actually do something about all those things instead of just complain about them.