The Bad: I really did like my job, and I will be sad to end this era of my life. I will miss having people to talk to during the day. I am afraid I might get bored with no one to talk to all day. I will miss my students and being able to help them be successful. Demand Media doesn’t pay very well at all so we are going to be REALLY poor for awhile until Matt graduates and gets a job. We will be losing all my great benefits, so we will have to find new health insurance, and we won’t get that nice scholarship check every semester. We will probably have to go on crappy student insurance for awhile. We may have to pull some money out of our savings if Matt doesn’t get a job fairly soon after graduating. That is the scary part. Hopefully he will be able to get one quickly.
The Ugly: I feel like somewhat of a failure. We honestly felt like me staying at my job til Matt was done with school was the right thing for our family. But I couldn’t handle it. I don’t want to be a quitter. I’ve always been able to accomplish what I set my mind to. Until now. I hate that my best wasn't good enough. I also feel like a failure because in the 3 years I worked at BYU, I was not quite able to get the programs I oversaw to where I wanted them/thought they needed to be. Plus, if I’m going to be a stay-at-home mom, I’m going to have to get a Bump-It and learn how to cook/bake/bottle fruit/sew/make crafts/scrapbook/host playgroups & card clubs/become a Scentsy distributor/watch Barney/etc. I’m SO not good at any of those things. And, I always thought being a mom would come naturally, but I am just not a natural mother.
All that being said, I don’t regret coming back to work after Emily was born. We honestly felt like that was the right decision at that time. I just hope we don’t regret this decision either.
