Friday, December 10, 2010

Upcoming Changes: The Good, Bad and Ugly

The Good: I am quitting my job at the end of December. I do have another job lined up. I will be working as a writer for Demand Media. It’s a company that produces articles for a variety of websites. I will mostly be writing for,, and I will be able to work from home as much or as little as I want whenever I want. I am looking for other freelance writing opportunities, and will hopefully get more work there. I’m also looking into teaching part-time as adjunct faculty. We will NOT be going into debt. I will be able to be with Emily and focus more time on learning how to be a good mom. I won’t have to miss out on her life and she will be able to have a more consistent schedule. I won’t have to pump. Matt won’t have to stay home in the mornings with Emily, and so he will have more time to focus on school and getting his thesis done and looking for a job.

The Bad: I really did like my job, and I will be sad to end this era of my life. I will miss having people to talk to during the day. I am afraid I might get bored with no one to talk to all day. I will miss my students and being able to help them be successful. Demand Media doesn’t pay very well at all so we are going to be REALLY poor for awhile until Matt graduates and gets a job. We will be losing all my great benefits, so we will have to find new health insurance, and we won’t get that nice scholarship check every semester. We will probably have to go on crappy student insurance for awhile. We may have to pull some money out of our savings if Matt doesn’t get a job fairly soon after graduating. That is the scary part. Hopefully he will be able to get one quickly.

The Ugly: I feel like somewhat of a failure. We honestly felt like me staying at my job til Matt was done with school was the right thing for our family. But I couldn’t handle it. I don’t want to be a quitter. I’ve always been able to accomplish what I set my mind to. Until now. I hate that my best wasn't good enough. I also feel like a failure because in the 3 years I worked at BYU, I was not quite able to get the programs I oversaw to where I wanted them/thought they needed to be. Plus, if I’m going to be a stay-at-home mom, I’m going to have to get a Bump-It and learn how to cook/bake/bottle fruit/sew/make crafts/scrapbook/host playgroups & card clubs/become a Scentsy distributor/watch Barney/etc. I’m SO not good at any of those things. And, I always thought being a mom would come naturally, but I am just not a natural mother.

All that being said, I don’t regret coming back to work after Emily was born. We honestly felt like that was the right decision at that time. I just hope we don’t regret this decision either.