Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Yesterday in the 10 minutes or so that I actually caught of the Relief Society lesson, they were talking about raising children in the gospel. Many of the ladies in my ward are more seasoned (aka...way older than me...like my grandma's age) mothers than I am. They were talking about how fast kids grow up and about how they wished they could have some of those moments back.

The teacher read a poem about a mother who was often busy and told her child, "In a minute..." or "Maybe later..." when the child requested the mom to play or help or whatever. Later in life, the mother wished she would have done those things because the child no longer wanted her to. Her once "too busy" hands now had much more time. She wished that she would have played those games and read that one more story or rocked the baby for another minute or whatever.

One lady said (to the younger moms), "Forget about the laundry, the cleaning, and dinner...just hold that baby."

I wanted to say, "Well, what are you supposed to do then, make your family starve and wear dirty clothes and live in a dirty house? Who is going to do those things for you?" I can't even keep up with all that when I'm trying, so if I completely ignored those things, it would be really out of control.

Anyway, I felt completely guilty because honestly right now, I relish the moment when both kids are actually asleep. My patience and sanity are wearing very thin right now, and sometimes I feel like I'm lucky if I just survive the day.

I want to be more proactive in my mothering. I want to have the desire to read one more story or play one more game or hold my baby for a minute longer, but I usually don't right now. I want them to sleep for one more hour or be quiet for one more minute. Sometimes I really feel like I'm going to lose it.

But I also don't want to miss out on their childhoods. I want to create memories with them that aren't of screaming and whining and making messes. So how do you do it? How do you keep the chores under control and have enough time/patience/energy to make those memories and keep your sanity? Especially while trying to do it on less than 4 hours of sleep a night. Because I'd really like to know.


audrey said...

Oh Christy you are not alone! I only have one and I don't know how you're doing it with two! So I don't have any advice that comes from experience, at least with multiple children, but just hang in there. You'll eventually get more sleep. Have you ever read Stephen Covey's stuff? He has one book (I haven't read it, but Steve has talked me through its concepts several times) that talks about seasons of imbalance. Finals week, times of sickness, NEW BABY, etc. are all seasons of imbalance. They don't last forever, and basically you just have to adapt your regular routine and expectations of yourself to make it through those particular seasons. And it's okay! You're getting four hours of sleep, so obviously other things have got to give, in order to compensate. And time away from your kids recharges you and helps you enjoy the time you do spend with them. Having a messy house, at least for me, affects the Spirit in my home and my sanity. So while I let things go during the day, I do try to pick up at night before I go to bed so at least I don't wake up to a mess in the morning. I definitely struggle with these same feelings though. I'm one who has to get out of the house during the day. Just a walk for some fresh air helps clear my mind and lungs. You're very normal, though, to want your kids to sleep longer! Even if they were always angels, you still need that time to yourself! Those older grandmothers felt that same way too, they just may not remember it. So don't feel guilty! You're a great mom and those two little spirits were sent to you for a reason. Heavenly Father knows what you can and can't handle and He knows you can do this :) I have to tell myself that all the time. Hope it helps! Sending love and prayers your way!

PS sorry for the forever long post :)

garrett said...

You should have said what you wanted to say. It's a lot easier for those parents of grown-up children to say things like that, because they can look back at all the sweet things and forget the sour ones. But no one is perfect. You should say and ask those questions in church, so that everyone is reminded that they don't have to be perfect, so everyone isn't trying to convey that they're perfect, while EVERYONE tries to hide their own imperfections from sight.

Go read this: http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html. Don't feel guilty. You can be imperfect and happy. And everyone else is faking, I promise. They may not even realize it. But if you realize it, then you'll enjoy your own life more, and won't fall for the guilt trips from other people who likely feel inadequate themselves, even if this isn't their area.

Beth said...

Just today all my sisters (with multiple children themselves) said prepare yourself for a little psychosis, unbalance, and tears...as with any new baby. But that eventually things will get easier and normalcy will return. Realistically we are all happy when are babies are all asleep and we actually get a little time to ourselves...trust me you aren't alone. Hang in there, normalcy and sleep will return!

Joseph N. Anderson said...
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