I am frustrated. With everything. My sister said I was allowed to complain only a few times, and this is going to be one of those times. I just need to vent for a minute.
I am going to have to disagree with whoever said the 1st trimester of pregnancy is the worst and then it gets better. Not for me! The 3rd is definitely the worst. The 1st and 2nd were a breeze, but this 3rd one is not fun. I wake up every morning feeling like I’ve just run 10 miles, I’m sore everywhere, I can’t sleep at night, I have heartburn for no reason (I’ve never had heartburn before!), I feel nauseated sometimes, I’m always roasting hot, I am exhausted all the time, I am huge but not with the cute, pregnant lady belly, just the fat gut with the chubby cheeks look, I waddle, my legs feel like lead and my feet look like puffin fish, I get winded just climbing a flight of stairs, I have to roll out of bed in the morning, I’m a lot more moody and feel overwhelmed all the time, I just feel blah, blah, blah. Uggh!
I am having serious anxiety about this baby. I am not going to know what to do with her or how to take care of her or how on earth I'm going to balance working and being a mom. I feel like I can’t even handle the rest of my life, how am I going to add a baby to everything?
I am also feeling like I am good at absolutely nothing. There has got to be something I can be good at. But how do I find what it is? And the things that I am good at don’t matter. Like what good does it do anyone if I can read fast or do well in school or pick up after myself or remember things? Those things don’t matter at all. And the things I thought I was somewhat good at, I have discovered that I’m really not good at or that there is always someone whose skills fit the need better than me. I need to develop some talents and skills that actually are useful.
I am also completely frustrated with my job. I’m just not good at it. Everything I do is wrong and every time I have an idea that I am excited about, it gets shot down or doesn’t work. I have zero support, there’s no one to stick up for me or go to bat for me or give me opportunities or even anyone to vent to. I feel so very alone. People don’t trust me and just do things themselves that I am supposed to do, but they probably do them better than I would anyway. I feel like I’m not useful at all. I just wanted to help people and make a meaningful contribution to the world, but I am not good at doing that. And I don’t know what to do about it. But there’s got to be a way I can do something valuable. I just need to figure out what.
I just want to be useful in something. But I can’t be useful until I can figure out what I’m good at. And I just feel crappy and overwhelmed. And I need to figure this out before this baby comes and I have a million other things added to my plate. Because I want to be a good mom for my little girl and a good wife for my hubby and a good person in general. There. Vent over. I will figure out a way to deal with it. No more complaining. The end.
8 comments:
I think you are a great friend. And there is something to be said for being a great friend. And the crafty things you've made for your baby look pretty cute to me. Maybe all the work frustration is Heavenly Father's way of saying you should just be a mom. It makes it a lot easier to leave a job when it isn't satisfying. And I know what you mean about the third trimester. Especially the heartburn! I hated it. Every night, every meal, sometimes in the middle of the night, I'd be downing the Tums. Sometimes 5-6 little ones at a time. Heartburn sucks!
I must say the previous post sounds like it hit the nail right on the head!! You are awesome Christy. The crafts you have posted have been ADORABLE.. and you are going to be a great mom.. and that is also something that is VERY important to be great at. You've also been a great wife by the looks of it. Don't stress out.. life will work out how it's supposed to. By the way I DEFINITELY think the 3rd trimester is the worst by FAR. I don't know many women that wouldn't agree. I think the first definitely isn't fun if you're one to get morning sickness but the third is still the worst. It's a good thing the BEST part about pregnancy comes right after the third to remind us why we do this in the first place. Holding that baby will make it all worth it. You are sooo allowed to complain once in a while!! Hope everything gets better for you fast! You don't have much longer till you have that little one and get to add one more thing to the list of things you're great at... BEING A MOM! :-) You'll be surprised at how things will be second nature to you when you are taking care of your little one.
I hated the 3rd trimester too. It is really miserable. Really. I felt so terrible at the end. The fatigue, the discomfort, the heartburn...yep, it's all part of the journey but luckily this journey ends soon! YEAH!
I was scared to DEATH to be a mom for the first time. I felt exactly like you. I didn't know what in the world I was doing or how I would know what to do but you are one of the most determined people I have ever known (one of your MANY talents I might add) and you will be a fabulous mom. You will love her so much and holding her will heal so much of what you feel now. It is amazing, even holy. Hang in there. It will get better--it will. I think you are amazing at your job but I also know from experience that becoming a mom changes your view on your work, so perhaps this is a prep. for that change in your life. Anyway, love you! Hang in there!
Dear, just randomly saw your blog after writing mine...
I know how you feel, even thou i'm not a mom... YET, but this is my dream, to be a mom. =)
addoil! to give birth to a baby is already the biggest thing you do. you are very useful! everyone on earth has their own purpose. just like the puzzle, we are each of the pieces, different ppl goes together and make up the beautiful picture.
I don't know what's wrong with your body and the sleeping issue, but see if you're taking any calcium, folic acid? it will help pregnancy. i want to be a healthier mom, so I always love to learn about nutrition. hope this help. if you want, i can recommend you the one i'm taking.
I have hated being pregnant until my second trimester started, and from what I've heard 3rd trimester isn't much better than the first, plus all you want is the baby out of you. I don't completely understand what you're going through, but I know that Scott would never be able the walk around with another life inside of him taking over everything he does, and there is no way he could handle the constant sick feelings and throwing up. I don't know many men that could. On the plus side, I've heard the more heart burn you've had the more hair your baby will have. Which you and Matt both seem to be pretty blessed in the hair department so I blame that for the heart burn, I've asked my doctor about heartburn and she informed me that if it's always starting it might be easier to prevent it with an over the counter med like previcd or something. Whether this helps or not I don't know, but it could be worth a try. Hang in there, this will go by faster than you think, and this was longer than I wanted it to be...
Yeah, too bad quitting my job is not an option. So I'm going to have to find a way to like it again.
I should clarify that I like my job when I feel like I am useful and helping people and when I feel like I'm actually good at what I'm doing. It's just that lately I haven't felt like I'm very good at it. I feel like I haven't been able to effectively help anyone and I feel useless and like what I am doing doesn't matter to anyone and isn't very meaningful.
Yes. Third trimesters are bad. Heartburn is the worst. The worst. Good thing it goes away after that baby is out. And when that baby is out, yes, it will be a little scary on the trip home from the hospital when you realize this baby is your responsibility. But you will also love that baby more than you thought was possible and that will help when you are trying to figure out how to take care of her. You will be a great mom. Just great. And I hope things get better at work. They always do. Or you will get better at dealing with the hard times at work. Remember all the good things about yourself when you start thinking you can't do anything right.
Post a Comment