So I'm just curious...I would like to know from you moms with husbands in school full-time how you make it work. As far as I see it, there are 2 options...1) the mom stays home with the kids and you have no income until the hubby finishes school, or 2) the mom works while he finishes and you have to find childcare.
If you stay home, how do you handle insurance, paying for school, all the living expenses, medical bills, etc? And if you work, how do you balance working and being a mom?
Or are there other options besides those two that I'm not thinking of?
I still feel pretty strongly about not going into debt for some reason. We've done the calculations and even if we moved into a crappy, cheap apt and cut back to the bare minimum, we just don't see how we can avoid debt unless I work. We are good budgeters though. And even though I don't make a ton of money, we're not eligible for financial aid because they base your eligibility off your taxes from last year, and we made too much between the two of us last year.
I still feel like I should continue to work until Matt is done with school (which would be about 7-8 months from the time I would go back to when he graduates), but I'm curious as to how you make it work and why you choose to do what you do to handle the situation. From both working and stay home moms. If you don't want to post here, please call me or email me because I'd really like to know!
We just want to do what's best for our family, and be able to provide for and take care of our baby in the best way we can.
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I was making good money when I had Lily and Eric was just starting his business. Financially it made NO sence to quit work. I KNEW I had to though. Both of us knew that me being home with Lily and making sure she was raised well was more important than worrying about finances. I struggled so long with what to do. Finally I turned it over to Heavenly Father and said, look, I KNOW I am supposed to not work, so I trust and have faith that You will make it work finacially for us. I was scared to DEATH but i just went with what i knew I had to do. I cannot even BEGIN to tell you the finacial miricles we have witnessed. I am not saying we are completly debt free, we are not-- but it is minimal. I can say that on paper it DOES NOT add up. WE should be homeless by this point. But we are not, we still have money in the bank, and right when we are about out of money, Eric gets a random sale that he wasn't expecting. Its really been a miricle. I wouldn't ever for millions of dollars trade the experiance of raising Lily from day 1. It scares me to DEATH thinking of what could happen to her or what she would be learning or not learning, outside of my care. Even with family! Ok so it sounds like I am trying to talk you into staying home. I am not. This is simply my story and how it has worked for us! Good luck with your desisions!
To be honest, I feel the same way as melissa when it comes to having someone else take care of my kids while I were to work. The world is scary and it is hard for me to trust people to tend my kids on a constant basis unless it's really close family or friends and just occasionally. I'm not saying you shouldn't trust people either or worry about doing that.. it's just my feelings for me and my children. I know going into debt really stinks and is something we should avoid.. but for us we have had to bite the bullet and live off student loans/financial aid while Ryan goes to school. He isn't the kind of guy who can work full time and do well in school. It wasn't working for us. I know someday it's really going to be a pain to pay off the loans when he's done BUT I know it will be worth it. I too have seen the Lords hand MANY times in helping us get by. I think it's one of the many blessings received for giving up the luxuries we could be enjoying
(cable tv, a nice car with a payment, etc) to stay home and take care of my babies. That is just what we've felt like is right for us for the time being and it has worked. There's our story.. :-)
One word: Welfare. I know it's not the ideal, but I'm pretty sure that's how quite a few college families with a stay-at-home mom do it. How flexible is your work schedule? Can you schedule work around Matt's classes and nap times and such, so when your little girl is awake you can be with her, but when she's napping someone else can be watching her?
Obviously every families situation is different.... and you have to do what you feel best about...
but one thing we have learned is that we tend to spend what we make... and we are major budgeters... I have NOOOOO idea how we lived on $7000 a sememster while we lived in dental schooll..... the numbers just don't work...that was barely enough to cover our rent.... but we did it. We were poorer than dirt but things always seemed to work out some way or another. Every 3 weeks chris and I both donated bone marrow.. OWWWWWWW.. but it was $150 in cash. Chris did a ton of skin donations and skin punches {we lived next to the cleveland clinic a major research hospital so we had lots of opportunities to earn $}.... I had some friends who worked while we were in school and a lot of us did not. If I could give any advice I would say that No one can love your babies as much as you do....Someone at daycare might meet all of their needs... but they will NEVER give them the love yous and snuggles and smooches and tender moments that only a mommy can give. I know it is not possible for everyone to stay home... but you will never ever ever get those precious moments back and i don't think you will ever regret it either. But on the same token, if there is no way to make it work then i don't think your baby will be scared or not feel loved.
But I think that where there is a will there is way...... like i said before i have NOOOO idea how we made it on our loan check that we got twice a year?? but somehow we did. I have learned how to ONLY and ALWAYS bargain shop. I only buy kids clothes on sale and i always buy a season in advance I get 3 newspapers a week and clip coupons.
but debt stinks..... we hate student loans... now that we are finally out of school we can't wait to be free of all of our student loan debt.... but if i had to do it over again i would still take out the loans in order to stay home with my babes.
anyways good luck!!!! you will love being a mommy!
I think that just because you decide to work and help provide for your family doesn't mean you think money is more important than your family or that you love your children any less or that you are unwilling to make sacrifices.
I also think that it's good for kids to spend time with people other than their parents occasionally. Obviously not be raised by them, but I loved getting babysat at my grandma's and aunt and uncles' houses and even by the ward members. Especially when we didn't live around family...I loved our wards when we lived outside of Utah.
Hey Christy,
I don't know if you'll even get this because you posted awhile back, but here is my two cents... First of all, you have to do what is best for you and your family. You have to do what you feel comfortable and safe with, for your own sanity. I've found that when I do things just because I worry about what other people will think and not because it's what I feel best about, I go crazy. So if you think that working would save you from insanity and make life easier, then you should do it. With that said, this is our experience:
When I had Parker, Mike was working full time and going to school full time to finish his Master's degree. It was not fun because we never saw each other, and I really needed the help. Because of the nature of the complications I had with Parker, we knew that our medical bills would be attrocious (sp?) and because I was getting free health insurance at work, we felt that I should work until after Parker had his surgery, so that between the two of us our insurance would cover most of our medical expenses. I worked the very minimum amount I had to, to keep my insurance. I left Parker with my mom a lot and I worked from home a lot, and I would also take him to work with me from time to time. My employer was very understanding of our situation and would even let me come in and work after hours, when Mike was home. I still hated it though. I just wanted to be with my baby 24/7. I quit as soon as Parker had his surgery and told myself I'd never work again when I had little kids. When I was pregnant with Drew, Mike started a new job. We were thinking that because of Drew's problems and switching insurance, they'd never take us because of "pre-existing" conditions. So, once again I started looking for a job so we could keep our current insurance. I just didn't feel good about it and we decided all the money in the world wouldn't make up for me being at home with our kids. I didn't want to leave them with anyone but Mike or I, and nothing else was real feesible. So we took a leap of faith, and everything worked out fine. Being home with my kids has been the biggest blessing. There is not a day that goes by that I am not extremely thankful that I get to be home and raising them. I feel that we have received numerous blessings because I have been home. Even when things have been tight and we have had no idea how we were going to pay our medical bills, things have just worked out.
I hope my ramblings make sense! Good luck making a decision! ;)
It's not easy, and you have to be willing to give up a lot one way or the other. If you decide to stop working, you have to learn to really cut back a lot on the extras. If you don't stop working and have your child babysat, you have to give up on the opportunity to experience a lot of their firsts with them. When all is said and done, it's a decision between you, Matt, and the Lord, and I believe that it is not anyone's place to judge another's choice - especially when that choice has been made prayerfully. Shawn and I have been so grateful that I'm home with Natalie. We've made lots of cutbacks, really been limited on what we can spend money on, and watched our savings slowly slip away. However to us it's been worth it because we knew it wasn't forever, and, even more importantly, we knew we'd made the right decision for our little family. I know you'll make the right choice too. Whatever that choice might be.
Christy...this is a really tough decision. As I've shared with you before, I'd always planned on staying home with my babies--ALWAYS. In fact I made some pretty drastic career plan changes back in school because of how strongly I felt my previous path (as much as I wanted to pursue it) was incompatible with my deeper desire to stay at home. But, sometimes life happens and takes you down a different road...some of it is in your control, some of it isn't. I've been pleading with the Lord for some time to find a way to not have to work at all or to find a job where I can spend MORE time with Michael even though I may still have to work. I've applied for all sorts of jobs the past few months and gone through a bunch of interviews. And while never before in my life has it been difficult to get a particular job I wanted, for some reason it looks like I'll be staying put in my current position for another year...long hours and all. I feel calm knowing that we pay a full tithe, refuse to work on the Sabbath, try our best to fulfill our callings, spend whatever time we can together as a family, and pray daily for Sergio's business to grow so that I can stay home. What gets really counterproductive is when I beat myself up about it or when I begin to "blame" my husband for not making enough money for me to be able to stay home yet. It is what it is and the Lord is blessing us with the faith that it won't always be this way and yet that things will be OK while it is. Regardless of your family decision, there will be critics...and always a few loud ones. Don't listen to any of them...don't listen to any of us commenting here if you don't want to! :) Make a decision that you feel good about, get on your knees and present it to the Lord for confirmation, and then get up and make it happen without regrets. It is about you and Matt and Emily only. The Lord will help you! Hugs!!
As long as you're following the spirit, paying your tithing and fast offering, somehow it all just works out.
So, no matter what you decide to do, "The spirit often transcends logic."
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