Dear Reader,
Sometimes I just need to vent. This is one of those times. If you read any further, please know that I am just venting and that I will get over it.
I am really annoyed with my job right now. I think it's ridiculous that BYU does not offer ANY maternity leave at all. If you take any time off, you have to use your vacation or sick time. So I am saving up like mad to be able to take some time off. The government has this rule that companies have to allow you to take up to 12 weeks off for having a baby, but they don't require that they pay you anything. I'm also really annoyed that I will never get a raise at my job. Not for getting my masters, not for doing a good job, nothing. The only raise I will ever get is a measly 2% inflation increase. What's the point in trying to do a better job if you are never recognized for it? I know that money is not the only thing that equals recognition, but it makes me feel pretty undervalued that no matter what I do, there is no chance for me to get a raise. Especially when we could really use it right now.
I also feel very unappreciated at work. I feel like I can never please anyone. Whatever I do is wrong. I also feel like I have zero support and backup. My job description is very vague and so I try to do what I think is best and just get railed on for it. I am supposedly the "expert" in my area, but yet I have no authority or trust to make any decisions. So what is the point of me being there? I also miss having friends at work. My coworkers are just not very interested in being friends. P.S. To my students that read this, I am not talking about you. :)
I also have a real problem with a certain type of people and I don't know what to do about it, and there are a few of them that I have to interact with on a regular basis. The type who seem like I am never good enough for them. My opinions don't matter, everything I do is wrong, my efforts to reach out and be a nice, helpful person are constantly rejected. They are never wrong and constantly blame things on everyone else and complain about how things wouldn't or would have happened if only certain other people had done this or that--except if something goes right or is recognized by others, for which personal credit is taken. They crave attention and always have to be at the center of it. I really don't know what they want from me or what they are trying to prove by belittling me. And I don't know what to do about them. I have tried and tried to just ignore those things and not let them bother me, but it really does. Ugggh!
And I am just feeling fat and lazy. It is really hard for me to watch those numbers on the scale keep going up. Especially after I have worked so hard for the past few years to lose weight and get back in shape. It's hard to keep the motivation to exercise and eat healthy when you not only don't see progress, but the opposite. I know I have a good reason to be gaining weight, it's just really hard for me and I don't know how to keep up the motivation when I can't see any results. I still exercise, but not nearly as much as I used to. And sometimes I miss just being able to go out and run 5 miles.
Sometimes I just need to vent. This is one of those times. If you read any further, please know that I am just venting and that I will get over it.
I am really annoyed with my job right now. I think it's ridiculous that BYU does not offer ANY maternity leave at all. If you take any time off, you have to use your vacation or sick time. So I am saving up like mad to be able to take some time off. The government has this rule that companies have to allow you to take up to 12 weeks off for having a baby, but they don't require that they pay you anything. I'm also really annoyed that I will never get a raise at my job. Not for getting my masters, not for doing a good job, nothing. The only raise I will ever get is a measly 2% inflation increase. What's the point in trying to do a better job if you are never recognized for it? I know that money is not the only thing that equals recognition, but it makes me feel pretty undervalued that no matter what I do, there is no chance for me to get a raise. Especially when we could really use it right now.
I also feel very unappreciated at work. I feel like I can never please anyone. Whatever I do is wrong. I also feel like I have zero support and backup. My job description is very vague and so I try to do what I think is best and just get railed on for it. I am supposedly the "expert" in my area, but yet I have no authority or trust to make any decisions. So what is the point of me being there? I also miss having friends at work. My coworkers are just not very interested in being friends. P.S. To my students that read this, I am not talking about you. :)
I also have a real problem with a certain type of people and I don't know what to do about it, and there are a few of them that I have to interact with on a regular basis. The type who seem like I am never good enough for them. My opinions don't matter, everything I do is wrong, my efforts to reach out and be a nice, helpful person are constantly rejected. They are never wrong and constantly blame things on everyone else and complain about how things wouldn't or would have happened if only certain other people had done this or that--except if something goes right or is recognized by others, for which personal credit is taken. They crave attention and always have to be at the center of it. I really don't know what they want from me or what they are trying to prove by belittling me. And I don't know what to do about them. I have tried and tried to just ignore those things and not let them bother me, but it really does. Ugggh!
And I am just feeling fat and lazy. It is really hard for me to watch those numbers on the scale keep going up. Especially after I have worked so hard for the past few years to lose weight and get back in shape. It's hard to keep the motivation to exercise and eat healthy when you not only don't see progress, but the opposite. I know I have a good reason to be gaining weight, it's just really hard for me and I don't know how to keep up the motivation when I can't see any results. I still exercise, but not nearly as much as I used to. And sometimes I miss just being able to go out and run 5 miles.
Anyway, I guess this is a good chance for me to practice my New Years Resolutions of being forgiving, trying not to take things personally, and being optimistic. Vent over.
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