That is how I feel lately. Anyone have any suggestions on some new hobbies I can pick up?
Although I would not trade Matt and Emily for anything, sometimes I miss the old me. The one who usually had friends and plans and adventures and a social function almost every night of the week. Even though I really don't want my life to be that crazy and busy (and single) again, I do wish sometimes that I had more of a social life.
There is another couple in our ward that we do stuff with sometimes, so that is fun. But I am still finding it hard to make friends here. I tried taking Emily to our ward playgroup, but that was a complete disaster because Emily was by far the youngest kid there and she was scared because all the other kids were screaming and yelling. And the other moms didn't even really seem to be too interested in talking with each other...they just played with the kids. Which I thought that talking with and supporting the other moms was the whole point of having those things. I guess not for this one. I have also tried taking her to storytime at the library and I just feel ridiculous because again she is the youngest and most of the other kids are like 2 or 3.
It just seems like most of the things I enjoy doing involve having friends or leaving the house. So I need to find new hobbies. Something I can be good at and enjoy doing.
I know I'm probably the most terrible mother for saying this but sometimes I feel so guilty when I hear my friends talk about how wonderful motherhood is and how much they love it and can't see themselves doing anything else and how it's the best thing of their life. I am just not like that. I don't gush and goo over motherhood. What is wrong with me? I love my baby and think she's the cutest thing ever, and I enjoy being a mom some of the time, but I also enjoy doing other things. I guess I just haven't "gotten it" yet. I'm still trying to work on that.
But I am very grateful that we were able to find a way for me to be home with Emily. I am grateful that I don't have to miss out on watching her grow and develop. Like how yesterday she started crawling. It was so cute, she was so rocky and shaky but also so determined to get across the room. And I'm grateful that I get to be the one who will tell her what she was like as a baby. And that is worth being bored. And she is getting more and more fun, so that is encouraging.
But I still feel lame and boring.
1 comment:
Wow, I guess I must be the most lame-o boring person ever, because I'm reading this thinking- I love having excuses to stay home! haha. I think that everyone has different thresholds for different aged kids. I was so excited to have new babies, but I find that I'm enjoying them now more than ever. My mom loved having brand new babies and toddlers. She thinks that is the easiest stage of life, I have a friend who says tweens are the best and the funnest stage. Basically what I'm trying to say is that maybe you will enjoy motherhood and your baby more as she gets older. I think for some people its just something you have to grow into. I always wanted to be a mom. I daydreamed about it, planned for it ect. I guess maybe that is why I never pursued a career, because I was afraid it would get in the way of motherhood. For others, achieving greatness in their careers is a huge priority, and that is awesome. I think it's amazing that you have accomplished so much with your education and career goals. You can feel so accomplished and even though you are a mother now and that is your main focus for the time being, you can still feel good about all you've accomplished. I don't know if I'm making sense at all. I guess in a nutshell, I'm saying don't beat yourself up if motherhood is not your thing. Some of us feel like it's the only thing we are good at and we lack in other areas (education and career).
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