Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Small moments

Adjusting to this new life is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I think it's just because I didn't really know what to expect. Everyone always told me throughout pregnancy that when she was here I would just be overwhelmed with joy and that it would all be worth it. I didn't really feel like that. Over the past 2 1/2 weeks, I've realized that the joy comes in small, quiet moments. And if I don't pay attention, I could very easily miss them.

Since everyone kept saying that it would be so great once she got here, that's what I was expecting. But it just hasn't been that way for me. I love my baby, but I don't feel some overwhelming feeling of joy or anything about being a mom yet. But I'm so grateful that I've learned to recognize those little moments and enjoy and appreciate them.

Things like watching her when she is sleeping and how she just looks so peaceful. Or when she's finished eating and she just snuggles right into my shoulder and "smiles". Or when we go for walks and she just looks around in her stroller. Or when Matt walks her around the house and gives her a narrated tour of all the rooms and pictures on the walls. Or when she makes silly faces.

Even though it's different than I expected, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a mom and for our sweet little Emily. And I've noticed that the more I recognize those little moments, the more frequently they occur.

P.S. Just for the record, these are some of the things I wish I would have known to expect...

-that the recovery process would be so painful and long
-that it would take forever to do anything, even going to the bathroom
-to not expect you or your baby or your husband to be able to wear the same shirt for a whole day
-that it would take forever to feed your baby
-that contractions felt like really bad cramps
-that making dinner just might take you 2 1/2 hours
-it takes at least an hour longer than normal to get ready to leave anywhere
-that I would walk like I'm 100 years old
-to stock up on paper plates and utensils because the thought of doing dishes is beyond your brain capacity
-to not expect to clean your house for at least a month
-to be ok with not cleaning your house for a month
-that your bum would be numb from sitting down so much

Anyway, I just wish I would have know some of these things. I think that's what made pregnancy and labor so much easier than I thought it would be...because I had heard from so many people how awful it was. So I was braced for the worst. But no one ever told me about the recovery portion.

I just keep going back to the small moments of joy and then it is worth it. :)


Leserlee said...

The small moments make it all worth it. I thought I knew it all before having Abigail but boy was I wrong. Then I thought I knew it all when I had Bryant but he's been so much different than her. At 23 months he still doesn't consistently sleep through the night. At least I don't have to feed him anymore, though last night he did get some drinks of water. So, just when you think you've gotten the hang of it, everything changes. But there are always those small moments that remind you that it's all worth it. The little smiles, the snuggles, the laughs, and then, when you get them really laughing, the snorts. Or, when they get older and they say, "Mom, can I tell you a story?" And they say, "Once upon a time, I fell off my bed with my giraffe, and I bonked." I love being a mom when there are moments like that. However, I do still yearn for the days when we had no kids, because we could do things like go on dates, and not have to find a babysitter, or we could go for walks after 6:00 in the evening.

The Woodland's said...

Way to go on seeing the positive things! And thanks for the list of things you wish you knew! I'll be keeping those in mind for when our baby comes. Please let me know if we can help with anything!

Cecilia said...

Your post makes me laugh/cry. it is such an adjustment when super effective people have a baby and all the sudden getting all the way dressed with hair and make up is an accomplishment all in itself. You put it in words perfectly and it is good to hear that it wasn't just me. Yes, I do think someone should write a book called "what I wish someone told me about the first year of parenthood." Good Luck, there are so many moments.