Adjusting to this new life is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I think it's just because I didn't really know what to expect. Everyone always told me throughout pregnancy that when she was here I would just be overwhelmed with joy and that it would all be worth it. I didn't really feel like that. Over the past 2 1/2 weeks, I've realized that the joy comes in small, quiet moments. And if I don't pay attention, I could very easily miss them.
Since everyone kept saying that it would be so great once she got here, that's what I was expecting. But it just hasn't been that way for me. I love my baby, but I don't feel some overwhelming feeling of joy or anything about being a mom yet. But I'm so grateful that I've learned to recognize those little moments and enjoy and appreciate them.
Things like watching her when she is sleeping and how she just looks so peaceful. Or when she's finished eating and she just snuggles right into my shoulder and "smiles". Or when we go for walks and she just looks around in her stroller. Or when Matt walks her around the house and gives her a narrated tour of all the rooms and pictures on the walls. Or when she makes silly faces.
Even though it's different than I expected, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a mom and for our sweet little Emily. And I've noticed that the more I recognize those little moments, the more frequently they occur.
P.S. Just for the record, these are some of the things I wish I would have known to expect...
-that the recovery process would be so painful and long
-that it would take forever to do anything, even going to the bathroom
-to not expect you or your baby or your husband to be able to wear the same shirt for a whole day
-that it would take forever to feed your baby
-that contractions felt like really bad cramps
-that making dinner just might take you 2 1/2 hours
-it takes at least an hour longer than normal to get ready to leave anywhere
-that I would walk like I'm 100 years old
-to stock up on paper plates and utensils because the thought of doing dishes is beyond your brain capacity
-to not expect to clean your house for at least a month
-to be ok with not cleaning your house for a month
-that your bum would be numb from sitting down so much
Anyway, I just wish I would have know some of these things. I think that's what made pregnancy and labor so much easier than I thought it would be...because I had heard from so many people how awful it was. So I was braced for the worst. But no one ever told me about the recovery portion.
I just keep going back to the small moments of joy and then it is worth it. :)