Guilt

I know I shouldn't complain and I feel guilty for even saying this, but sometimes I feel like I'm just not cut out to be a mom. When we decided to have a baby, I knew my life would change and I was ok with that. I just was not prepared for how completely it would change. I wasn't prepared to completely leave my old life behind, I thought that I could just add a baby into it. But I've come to realize it just doesn't work that way. I love Emily more than anything, and I wouldn't trade her, but sometimes I have a really hard time being a mom.

Sometimes I just want to be able to sleep in past 7 a.m. or eat my meals in peace instead of having to rush through them in 30 seconds. Sometimes I want to go to the store without having to wrestle a wiggly child who just wants to climb out of the cart or go out to dinner without having to worry about a baby who is constantly throwing food across the room. Sometimes I want to enjoy a meal with people without having to leave early or eat my dinner cold after everyone is done because I was feeding the baby while everyone else was eating. Sometimes I get jealous of other babies who seem to be completely content sitting calmly or don't go ballistic when they miss a nap or can fall asleep anywhere. Sometimes I feel left out when my friends go on trips or do other fun things I love to do and I'm not invited anymore. Sometimes I feel sad when I try to make friends but no one will come to things I invite them to. Sometimes I just want to go to church without chasing a cranky baby down the aisles. Sometimes I feel sad and left out when I have to stay behind when everyone else gets to go do something. Sometimes I get bored reading the same book over and over again or going up and down the stairs 20 times a day.

And then I feel completely guilty for thinking those things. Which makes it even worse. I wish those thoughts would just go away.

31

My birthday this year was kind of weird since it fell on a Sunday, which was also Father's Day and the day we left for our vacation. But I got a small celebration in Saturday night with a couple of friends. We went to Red Robin for dinner and then made some "floating lanterns".

Ever since I saw Tangled I really wanted to have floating lanterns for my birthday, so the best I could come up with was painting balloons with glow-in-the-dark paint. They turned out pretty good.

You couldn't really see the paint too well because it was too light in our yard, but it was still fun to release them. If I ever do it again, I will drive up the canyon to release them where it's completely dark.

I had some birthday brownies and I got a bike trailer from Matt, Emily and my parents. I'm excited to use it!

After church, we drove down to St. George and had a birthday/Father's Day dinner at my aunt and uncle's house, since we stayed the night there on our way to California. I don't know why, but 31 feels way older than 30. Oh well. Happy Birthday to me!

Father's Day

Have you seen that commercial where the dad is standing outside the cell phone store with a bag full of baby stuff and he's thinking, "Man, I wish my daughter was old enough to get me a new phone for Father's Day." And then he decides to buy himself one and say it's from her. Well, that inspired Matt to do the same thing! Ha ha! So he got a new phone for Father's Day. I thought it was pretty funny.

In our very first ward, we had a little girl in our Primary class who told us on Mother's Day that she dressed up in a bear suit to give her mom her presents. Matt thought that was so great and ever since then he keeps talking about getting Emily a bear suit for birthdays and special occasions. So I made her some bear ears for her to wear while giving Daddy his Father's Day gifts.

 

They ended up looking more like Mickey Mouse ears so we took them to Disneyland with us, and she looked so cute in them.

Anyway, Happy Father's Day honey! You are the best daddy ever for our little Emmy. Thank you for all you do for her. We love you so much!

11 Months

Hi my name is Emily and I am 11 months old today! I finally like to swing at the park. I love to be outside and go for walks in my stroller and crawl on the cement but not the grass. I love to eat Cheerios and whatever cereal my dad is eating too. I love to climb the stairs and chase my grandmas' dog. I love to give kisses and I am super cute. And now I'm going to Disneyland!

Family Pics

Clear back in January, my granny wanted us to get a family picture. Try getting 40 people in the same place at the same time. Ha! All but 2 were able to be there. Can you tell which 2 were Photoshopped in later?

We decided to get a few of our little fam while we were at it. Here are my two favorites.

Too bad they are 6 months old! :)

Balloons!

Last week was Springville's Art City Days, and one of the big festivities is the Hot Air Balloon Festival. It was fantastic! We got to see about 10 hot air balloons being filled up and launched.

It was really neat to watch them fill the balloons up.

They had free balloons, donuts and hot chocolate. They also threw candy and prizes out of the balloons as they were going up into the air. Emmy was fascinated with her balloon.

She loved watching all the colors.

It was fun to see her looking at everything.

Later in the day we went to the little carnival. Emily loved it! She loved looking around at all the festivities and riding around in her pack. Maybe she will love Disneyland too!

And here she is all ready for church.

She loves to suck on those 2 middle fingers.

Tips?

We are going on vacation in a couple weeks. Hurray! We are taking Emily. Does anyone have any tips on taking an 11-month-old on vacation? We'll be driving to California, going to Disneyland for 3 days, and then San Diego for 3 days (we'll probably do the zoo and the beach there). So anything about hotels, car trips, naps, eating, babies in theme parks, etc. would be helpful.

We're going to do the drive in 2 days and stay in St. George overnight so we won't have to drive the whole thing in one day. We're staying at a place within walking distance (15-20 min) of Disneyland. And my whole family is coming so hopefully some of them can watch Em part of the time so we can go on the fun rides!

Anyway its our first vacation with a baby, so any advice would be helpful. Every other time I've been to Disneyland it's always been a "lets pack as much into one day as possible and get there when it opens and stay til it closes" type of trip. I'm sure this will be much, much different. I was hoping she would be walking by now because I KNOW she is going to want to get down and move, and letting her get down and walk would be a million times easier than letting her get down and crawl. But she is only at the point where she can walk only when holding onto the furniture. And she can only stand unsupported for a couple of seconds.

But I am super excited! And I hope Emmy at least somewhat likes it and won't be a pill the whole time. :)