Trying to be more positive

It's been almost 2 months since we moved here. It's been really hard and lots of bad things have happened to us. I frequently wish that we wouldn't have had to move or that we could go back. But despite the rough time, there have been some good things that have happened that I want to remember...

-when we first got here the bishop and EQ president brought over mattresses, blankets, table and chairs, and a few other things to help us get by until our stuff came.

-a guy in our ward spent a lot of time hooking up the electricity for our dryer since it didn't have electric hookups.

-a couple of families in the ward have invited us over for dinner.

-someone in the ward came over to drop by a treat for my birthday. That really meant a lot that someone here even knew it was my birthday.

-our last electric bill was $6. And we had the air running all month. Love the solar panels!

-we were able to get Disneyland annual passes. I am so excited about this!

-the beach! We've gone to the beach more in the past 2 months than I have in the past 10 years. I love the beach.

-I actually get stuff besides bills and ads in the mail.

-Emily has become more outgoing and brave. She asks when she can play with other kids and she wanted to go give pictures to all the kids in her Primary class and to all the neighbors. She is excited about going to swimming lessons and to kindergarten. It's nice not having to force her to do these things.

-The sunsets here are beautiful. And the palm trees.

-I'm finally going to get to run a Disney race. And I actually started running again.

-We've finally gotten in the habit of doing family scripture study and prayer.

-The fruit here is delicious. And the citrus groves are beautiful.

-We get to have the missionaries over for dinner. I'm excited for my kids to be able to see missionaries on a regular basis.

Here's hoping for more good things!

Birthday weekend

A few months ago I won a free night's hotel stay in San Diego, so we decided to use it for my birthday weekend. Matt had to work on my actual birthday, so I took the kids back to Disneyland with our annual passes. We only stayed for 4.5 hours, and it was great! It was super crowded though, and there was a SoCal grad night going on, but it was still fun. I made sure to get my birthday button and a Dole Whip! It was fun to have my birthday at Disneyland. Even if I was by myself.

After Matt got off work, we went to dinner at the Claimjumper, which used to be one of our favorite Cali restaurants, but it has changed and wasn't all that impressive. Then we drove down to San Diego. The hotel I won was not the greatest of hotels and it was gay weekend or something because we were the only family in that hotel amongst a lot of same-sex couples. I'm fine being around gay people, but I prefer not to be around big pride gatherings like that, and it was just weird to be the only family there. The kids were not behaving and we didn't sleep well at all that night.

We almost turned around and went back home. But we stuck it out and went to the Mormon Battalion visitors center the next day. It's pretty fun, they have a really cool, interactive tour and at the end you get to do all sorts of fun stuff like take an old picture and pan for gold.

Emily loved panning for gold. She seriously asks if we can go back every other day. Zach just liked throwing rocks in the water and dumping water on himself.

We also went to the Point Loma tidepools. We didn't see much in the way of tidepools but the location itself was absolutely gorgeous. Emmy fell in the water, and didn't like it after that. But really, it was amazing.

The breakfast at our hotel was on the roof with a view out to the ocean. That was pretty cool.

We also ate Mexican food in Old Town before heading back home. Zach was a stinker and had to be taken out of the restaurant before we were done. And he was a stinker at the Battalion. And at the tide pools. And pretty much the whole time.

We are trying to get out and explore what SoCal has to offer and have fun during our time here! Hopefully the kids will be better behaved on our next exploration.

Disneyland, Part 2

Emmy really enjoyed meeting all the princesses. And they were adorable with her. They asked her all sorts of questions and it was really fun to watch her interact with them.

And thanks to Emmy, Zach knew who all the princesses were too. Ha!

He especially loved Belle. He ran right up to her and gave her a hug.

He also said that he wanted to give Minnie a kiss. Ha!

The kids both really liked Dumbo.

Matt bought them these little fans. That kept them entertained in lines for awhile.

Zach kept asking to go on the Ariel ride over and over. We went like 6 times in a row.

On the last day, we upgraded our tickets to annual passes. Woo-hoo! I figured that since my Dad pretty much paid for half of them we might as well. I was so excited! Thank you Dad!

On our "night off" from the kids, we went to dinner at Carthay Circle with my parents and to World of Color. Both were amazing. We also did Tower of Terror and Indiana Jones and Radiator Springs Racers. So much fun!

We also saw the Disney Jr show with the kids, which was really cute. They loved seeing the characters from their favorite shows. It really was an awesome trip, and I'm excited to go back as much as possible in the next year. I am such a Disney dork. :)

Disneyland, Part 1

We spent 3 fun days at Disneyland. I loved it so much!

Zach loved the carousel. He kept asking to "ride horses" all day!

We let Emmy stay up late one night to watch the parade and fireworks. The other nights we rotated babysitting so the adults could go do the big rides when the kids were in bed. It worked out great.

Radiator Springs and the Cars ride were pretty awesome.

The kids loved Mater's tractor pull!

Emmy wanted a giant pickle for her treat that day. Ha!

We love Mickey!

The kids loved Dumbo, the carousel, the Ariel ride, and the teacups. Emmy went on Splash Mountain and Soarin over California and liked them.

Rivers (and the rest of the fam) comes to visit

Over a year ago we planned a trip with my whole family to come to Disneyland. This was way before moving to Cali was even an option for us. Anyway, this was the only thing holding me together for the past 6 weeks. I was so looking forward to them coming. And Emmy was beyond excited for Rivers to come.

We went to the beach one day. Emmy LOVES the beach. So much.

She and Rivers had a blast together. They loved going up on the roof of the hotel and looking at the Mickey Mouse ferris wheel, loved going swimming at the hotel pool, loved that they got to share a room, and just loved being together again. I love that they love each other so much.

We had family pictures on the beach one of the days. These were just some that we took with our phones. Hopefully the "real" ones turn out cute. We all looked awesome, and the spot we went was so beautiful.

Zach was being a super grump for the pictures. And at the beach.

He ate everyone's Cheetos.

We wore them out every day, they just crashed when we got back to the hotel.

I loved this trip so much. I cried when we left the hotel. I miss them already. I hope they come again soon!

The list goes on

When we finally made the decision to move to California, I thought things would settle down. Especially after things went so smoothly with getting our house sold so quickly, finding a new house quickly, etc. But seriously everything has fallen apart since then. And I am really struggling. We all are. I feel like the list of things that have gone wrong keeps getting longer with no end in sight.

-we had issues with the transfer of the solar panels
-there was an issue with our lender about property taxes
-there was a delay in our closing date
-when we got to the house, it was a filthy mess, there was stuff still all over in the house (couches, TV, junk, dishes, food, dog hair, etc), the carpets were black and covered in dog pee, and it was just gross.
-so we had to pay to have the carpets cleaned and a cleaning service come clean it up and get everything out
-the movers were 4 days late in bringing our stuff, and they broke a ton of our things
-I'm still dealing with the moving company about getting reimbursed for all that
-the previous owners didn't leave a fridge, garage door openers, or keys so we had to get the locks redone and buy a new fridge=more money
-everyone has given me the runaround about everything and I've had to go to 4 different places to do one simple task (register Emmy for school, get my moving damage report notarized, etc)
-Matt has had to work overtime so he hasn't been around much
-Matt's grandpa died the same week that my family was coming to visit and we had planned this vacation a year ago
-the garbage disposal was spraying out water
-the sprinklers were spewing up
-the yard is a huge mess of weeds, dry spots, etc.
-Matt bought a new car before we moved, and it wasn't ready in time, so he had to go back to Utah and get it and it's been having issues since we got here
-We had some complications selling Matt's old car
-We had to sleep on the floor for a few days until our stuff got here
-The dryer hookup was gas, we have an electric dryer so we had to pay to get the proper hookup, so we were without laundry facilities for 2 weeks.
-We had a fire sprinkler pipe start spewing water from Emmy's wall when hanging curtains, that still isn't fixed
-We wanted to put in new carpet before we moved in, but the carpet was on backorder so we still haven't gotten that.
-While moving a dresser to get ready for new carpet, a big nice mirror broke
-Emmy is bored out of her mind with no kids to play with. There are no kids on our street.
-I feel so alone and that I'm just going to have to keep suffering alone because no one is going to come and help or fix things or make it better.

And there's probably more stuff that I just can't remember right now or that I have blocked out of my memory.

Seriously this has been the worst nightmare. We were just trying to do what we thought was the best thing to do given our situation. But it's just falling apart. I want to run away. I can't see an end in sight. And I'm losing it. My kids are suffering because I can't take care of all this crap and be what they need me to be. What did we do to deserve this? We are all miserable.  All thanks to GE closing down their Salt Lake office and forcing us to have to find a new job.

I have become a horrible, mean, impatient, angry, incompetent person. And I hate that. I have done hard things before. I can do hard things, but I can't keep doing this. Get me out of this nightmare.