I am having a hard time with motherhood right now. My kids are pushing me to my very limits. On a daily basis. Often the day ends (or starts!) in all 3 of us in tears. Sometimes I feel like I wasn't cut out to be a mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm ruining these poor kids because I honestly don't know what to do with them or how to help them. Sometimes I want to give up.
And other times they do bring me a lot of joy. Sometimes they can be so fun and cute. Like the other day when I took them for a bike ride and Emmy was singing and telling stories to Zach back there in the trailer. Or when Emmy wants to go get Zach up from his nap and they play "sleepover" in his room.
Matt was sick on Mother's Day, but he managed to still get up and make me breakfast, get me some flowers and a couple other things, and even let me take a nap. And my children managed to give me an interruption-free night and even slept in a little. That hasn't happened for a very long time.
I took Emmy to church while the sickies, Matt and Zach, stayed home. Emmy was so good at church...it was so lovely. She is usually really good in Primary, but is a stinker in sacrament meeting. But she was great for both. It was a good mothers day.
Emmy is my spirited introvert child. (I've been reading a very helpful book called Raising Your Spirited Child, and it is helping me to understand her better.) Anyway, she has quite the imagination and can be very creative. She is very determined and knows what she wants! She also has a very good memory and remembers so much detail about things that it often surprises me.
We have been working on practicing good behavior and really trying to make a big deal out of the good things she does. So every time we notice her doing something good, she gets to put a ball in this jar, and we try to give her lots of praise. When she fills it up, she gets a prize. She filled it up this week and was so proud!
Emily and I butt heads a lot of the time, and I am really struggling to learn how to help her. I really worry for when she is a teenager...we might be in big trouble if I can't learn how to handle it now! She is very demanding and requires a lot of attention (she won't do anything by herself). But she can also be very caring. Yesterday, I was having a really hard time with something and she came over and gave me a hug and said, "It's ok mom...calm down...it'll be ok." Then she made me some "tea" with her tea set and told me to drink it and it would make me feel better. Even though she tries every last fiber of patience I have, I love that little girl!
Zach is a little mischief maker, but a silent one! He loves to open and close things, rearrange things, and take things in and out of things. I am constantly finding the contents of my bathroom drawer in the laundry hamper or toys in the garbage or whatever. He is usually content to do his own thing, and is fairly good at entertaining himself. He is FINALLY sleeping better and will usually sleep til 7-7:30 a.m Sometimes he will still cry in the night, but only for a few minutes before going back to sleep. I can't tell you how great this is. After 18 months of constantly getting up in the night and waking up at 5:30 a.m., I am finally starting to get a decent amount of sleep on a more consistent basis.
And that's why I keep trying and don't give up on this whole motherhood thing. Maybe one day I'll get it and hopefully I won't ruin them in the meantime!